"You must conform all your desires to My good pleasure and stop loving yourself, and earnestly desire that My will be done. You frequently burn with desires that powerfully impel you to action, but what is the motive behind your actions? Is it My honor or is it your own self interest? If I be the motive, then you will be satisfied with whatever I decide for you; but if it be your own self interest, then this is what puts the brake to your progress and slows you down." -- from The Imitation of Christ: Thomas a Kempis

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Thursday, May 6, 2004 2:02 AM GMT

feliz cinco de mayo! *dos horas tarde

haha sorry i love this cartoon. cuz they really look like the kids in peru.  aww.  ok gtg everyone's at my house.  sleepover again...we just had a leader's mtg, everyone's scattered. yvette's falling asleep watching "Something's gotta give." steph lapez leaves tomorrow, so sad.  and i'm pigging out as if it was an all girl night.  too bad the guys are here too. haha u know ur homies when u don't care who sees u pig out. ok i'm gonna go now so i can eat my mint chocolate chip icecream with half baked cookie dough and watch dianne keaton cuz i love her in this movie. later

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Tuesday, May 4, 2004 3:03AM GMT

wat up. 

updates:

• life is good.
• cfc family conference and 10 year anniversary for North Central USA this past weekend.  i mark it as my first official conference serving as a fulltime worker :).  and man was it memorable. celebrating an irreplaceable 10 years. God is good!
• today is my daddy's birthday! :)
• i love my friends
• jhoanne sy is my hero
• movabletype is now installed on my site but layout still in progress.
• recently spent quality time with donna, michael, luke, yvette, geri, mc, melissa, jho, rita, steph lapez, jeyne, dexter, rob, kevin, jeff m, jeff a, errol, ryan, erik, richard, brian, tigs, francis, trista, melissa m, crys, audrey, michael m and shanti makes me happy. it also makes it harder to leave home again...
• i'm excited for YFC USA's 10 year. 
•  "Mean Girls" yay.
• ecuador on monday
• and lastly, North Central Region is gonna KICK BUTT at the Girls' Basketball competition at conference.  what.

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Monday, April 26, 2004 4:33PM GMT

Set IV: International Leaders' Conference | 60 Images.

three things: 1. video coming soon.  2. i actually love galleria, don't be deceived by the picture. 3. I wanted to make a collage of Cha Ubod.  but i realized i love her too much to do it haha.

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Monday, April 26, 2004 3:01AM GMT

Set III: Cebu Provincial Training | 122 Images.

• [1-34] Cebu Random Stuff - I miss you guys! Hasuuuuulaa uy!
• [35-75] ICM (Island Coordination Meeting), Bacolod - Jurassic Park themed.
• [76-83] Femme Overnight - You're so something!
• [84-98] My SFC Household - I heart SFC!
• [99-122] Last days and GK Everesly.

this time just click on jerdie's nose to begin!

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Saturday, April 24, 2004 7:05PM GMT

Got a little time to play around with site stuff. Been hoping for this Flash site navigation thing and i'll hopefully come out with that soon. got all the ideas in my head...the problem is getting 'em out. :) Being jetlagged helps me in a weird way...guess i work better in the wee wee hours of the night. i should be over my jet lag by now, but i'm not. Latin America is on my mind. and home is feeling more like home now. i love chicago...i'm soaking in being with friends & family...while i anticipate leaving again for mission, celebrating kuya francis' ordination, Donna and Luke's Wedding, the 10th YFC USA Conf, and all the work at hand...yup, this is the great adventure :).

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Wednesday, April 21, 2004 1:57AM GMT

i'm home! been amazing. thank you, philippines. you have made my life richer. pictures of my last month in the Philippines will be up by this week. that would include Cebu Provincial Training and the YFC ILC (International Leaders' Conference) which just took place this past weekend. there's a whole lot to share :), so expect it...

i got off the plane yesterday, a stranger to my own land. everytime i come home after an extended period of time in another country, i don't know what to do with myself. i feel out of place in my own home. sounds, smells, sights are different. and my system is disrupted. it takes time for me to get adjusted back. and perhaps i even prolong it, because...i don't want to be adjusted back. in the sense that i don't want to forget the things i've learned and left behind. and i don't want to conform back to my old self/life. i believe, in essence that i become a "new self" after every great experience. and that's what life's all about. cuz if not, i'd never grow, i'd never go forward.

while in the philippines, i dreamt about home. my bed. my guitar. strong showers. fresh milk. big portions of food. my car. open roads. my parents. my friends. mtv. washers & dryers. cool breezes. familiarity. and anything not rice...
now i'm home and i can't help myself from thinking about the kids at GK. the CFC center. all the PI FTW's. heat. sweatiness. galleria and ayala mall. the ILC. my fellow sirmams in Training. mangoes. cebu. manila. texting. sky flakes. and did i mention the kids? ya... the kids.

but i'm happy to be home, don't get me wrong. it's awesome to be with my family and friends. and i'm gonna enjoy this time i have before i leave again for mission. but once you give something up, you almost feel guilty having it back...even if it's just for a short period of time. the luxuries of being home are a blessing. and i praise God for them. i just pray i always remember what others don't have...and what truly makes a person rich.

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Monday, April 12, 2004 10:07AM GMT

This is for YFC USA:

i miss you.

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Saturday, April 10, 2004 1:15AM GMT

Life Motive. Life Passion.

Alright, here we go. i finally watched The Passion of the Christ...(3 times :)). I'm sorry about this long entry. i know blogs aren't supposed to be like this but i don't care, i'm gonna do it anyway homie. the first time i saw it, didn't want to talk after it. i just needed to be with my thoughts. now, all i wanna do is talk about it. so just take it as my Easter reflection :)

ok. i thought about how everyone sweats The Lord of the Rings. and i'm probably the last person on earth that hasn't seen it or its sequels yet. but i remember how when i was in jersey 2 summers ago and pacs, mark, steph, dexter, etc were freaking out because the dvd finally came out. and they were like all quoting the movie and talking about the characters as if they were real (esp pacs hahaa) and he was referring to them like they were his friends and he personally knew them. and everyone was telling me, "oh man you got to read the book first, the book's so much better...then when you see the movie it's 10x better cuz it's like your imagination comes to life..."

i think you see where i'm going with this...that is exactly how i feel with The Passion. i loved it and i just wanted more. after the movie i couldn't put my bible down. i wanted to re-read all the gospel accounts of the crucifixion. and i did. and yes, when i watched the movie, indeed what had been in my imagination, came to life. for movies, every character you know by name, but this time the characters are real. dang it, do u see how cool that is! crazy! so instead of Frodo or froot loop or whoever we got Mary, Peter, James, John, Mary Magdalene, Caiaphas, Pontius Pilate, Claudia, Herod, Judas, Barabas, and just like those minor characters like in LOTR, we got Abenader, Malchus, Gesmas, and Cassius, Joseph of Arimathea, etc in Jesus' life story. The story has so much more meaning if you know the backgrounds of each person. and the bible gives so much more detail to events and people, just like the LOTR novel offers so much more than the movie. fascinating i tell you!

so here we go now...you know you weren't gonna shut me up after this. haha

1. Mama Mary: As i'm sure many people share the same feeling, my absolute favorite scene of the movie was when Mary ran to Jesus and then flashbacked to him falling as a little child. Aw man! Brilliant! Awesome how they portrayed Mama Mary. To just imagine the suffering and pain she went through. that was her baby boy! she took an active part in the Passion. her heart bled for Him. And we believe Mary truly as a Mediatrix and Co-Redemptrix. This was not just any ordinary woman. Mediatrix being a mediator between God and man (Jesus and mankind). In becoming close to Mama Mary, we only become close to her Son. because she only brings us to her Son. Co-Redemptrix meaning - Mary helped in the redemption of the world. How? She helped Jesus go on. She gave him strength. She inspired Jesus to go on. Everytime Jesus sees Mary, a new strength comes over him. i see it as - his deep love for her only reminds him of his deep love for us. Of course, all of his strength comes from God the Father. But Mary's role wasn't like the rest. She wasn't just a bystander watching. She combated Satan alongside Jesus. She suffered with Jesus. She suffered it in her heart. They share twin hearts. the hearts of Jesus and Mary cannot be separated. Her heart suffered more than anyone else's in watching Jesus suffer. And He would do anything for her because she is the dearest person to his heart.

2. King Herod: it's just how i pictured him to be. slimey, sleezy, ugly, gross. Herod was a man who indulged in his richness and power as king. and by that i mean he indulged in sin. he ate excessively and wasted food, threw it around while people died of hunger outside his kingdom. he had slaves which he mistreated. he abused his power to no extent. and you notice in the movie how Jesus did not say a single word to him. Jesus knew of all that he did, and most of all...he knew of how he killed his cousin and friend, John the Baptist. He also knew why he did it. Let me tell you the story. Herod's wife of the moment was Herodias (which was an adulterous marriage because Herodias was already married...to his brother!). Herodius had a daughter, Salome. and see how gross Herod was, he asked Salome to dance for him and his guests at a party. (dance meaning entertain...u get the picture) that's how gross he was, asking the daughter of his wife. Salome said, "If I dance for you, what will you give me?" He said, "I'll give you anything. Just tell me what and it's yours. I'll even give you half of my kingdom..." Salome asked her mom what she should ask for. Herodias told her to ask for John the Baptist's head. (In short, John knew of their adultery and she resented him.) So that is what Salome asked for, and that is what she got. Herod had John the Baptist beheaded. So...during that part of the movie, i was so into the scene, because i wanted to see how it showed Jesus' interaction with Herod. imagine meeting face to face the person who killed one of your best friends. Herod's only reasons for asking those questions was because He heard about his miracles, and he wanted to benefit from his miracles. But Jesus just kept silent to his empty questions, while he could have easily persuaded the punk to free him. what a man!

3. Judas Iscariot: You see, Judas and Peter both sinned. the difference was that Peter repented. Judas didn't. He went into despair, he didn't think of Jesus' forgiveness. Jesus would have forgave him. but Judas didn't remember or choose to ask for it. did you see how he couldn't stand his own lips after he used them to betray Jesus with a kiss? he wanted to rip them off. He was repulsed by what he did. Just as Peter couldn't stand what he did after denying Jesus. but Peter knew of Jesus' deep love. and with that love, He knew Jesus would forgive him. Judas did the opposite and went into despair. i wish the movie would have shown how Judas chose to betray Jesus. that whole conspiracy. it says in the book of John how he held the money bag for the apostles. he would pilfer from that money that was supposed to be given to the poor. So the betrayal of Jesus for 30 silver coins wasn't the first time Judas sinned for money. He already fell into that sin of stealing money a while ago. so that's why, already deep into that sin, it led up to the bigger sin.

4. Simon Peter: Peter acts on impulse. Remember how he acted when he saw Jesus in the water. When Jesus called him, without thinking he just walked towards him. it was only after the action that he realized that he was walking on water and started to sink. He also acted on impulse when he cut off the right ear of the High Priest's slave, Malchus. And then he acted on impulse when he denied Jesus three times. He doesn't think first. Peter, so impetuous! but you gotta love him...because it's exactly how we are.

5. Mary Magdalene: awesome. this woman was also one of Jesus' best friends. the movie shows her in the scene when Jesus outsmarted the Pharisees with "Let the one among you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her." it wasn't actually stated in the bible that the "woman who committed adultery" was Mary Magdalene. but many believe that that story referred to her. i think it did too. but she was the one who stood at Jesus' feet and just enjoyed listening intentlly to him talk while her sister Martha was busy doing work. And she was also the one who washed Jesus' feet using a big alabaster jar of perfume and then dried them with her hair. She was the sister of one of Jesus' beloved friends, Lazarus. She was with him through many important events in his life. She loved Jesus. it goes pretty deep and i have a lot more to say about this woman. you'll just have to start a conversation with me about it sometime. :)

man i have so much more to say esp about Pontius Pilate, Caiaphas, the images of Satan and the many symbolisms in the movie. but i'll just direct you here for more insights on the movie cuz this blog is already way too long.

Final Movie Comments:

• i wish Mel had shown more of just how close he was with the apostles. like them hanging out laughing and stuff. him just being one of the guys. playing with kids, fishing in the river, maybe him spending time with Judas, showing the friendship before he betrayed him. i wanted to see more scenes like the one of Jesus building the "tall table." because it showed his humanity.
• i couldn't help but notice the latex makeup to form Jesus' face on Jim Caviezal. like when He smiled his upper cheeks kinda didn't move. i think it took away some of the warmth of the face that i picture Jesus to have. but of course no actor or makeup could live up to what i picture him to be. although i think Caviezal is very handsome, i picture Jesus to be a lot more handsome haha. so during the movie, i reminded myself that it's just a movie depicting him. i guess just like JLo depicting Selena in her movie. they looked alike but it just wasn't the same. haha. still, the story and feelings were right on.
• i understand that the movie was called The Passion, so it would focus more on just that. but i wish the movie continued and instead of just ending at the Resurrection, it ended at the Ascension. but that's just because i wanted to see more :) haha i'd ask Mel to do His whole life story if he could.
• And lastly: Mel Gibson, i commend you. and i'm proud of you. Call me.

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Wednesday, March 31, 2004 2:15PM GMT

Birthday Blessings. Thank you so much my beloved friends...sisters...brothers, whom i cherish soooo much! thank you for the texts, emails, calls and greetings last week!

yes, i am now 23 years old. twenty three. wiser and matured now i can say, but still a little girl deep down inside. still single...and still absolutely content. still confident in God's plan for me...an amazing one i might add. :) and still 23 years later, being blown away by Him...by His beauty, by His coolness, by His humor, by His depth...and by the way He just knows me.

This year's birthday was away from home, but i couldn't have asked for more. i had such an awesome time. it was spent overnight at a GK site. and i can say that this was the poorest site i've been to, and i've been to quite a few. it was different also just because the community was of an indiginous filipino tribe called the Ati Tribe. Beautiful people who were so warm and welcoming. the night was spent playing, talking, bonfire dancing, singing and living life at the site and at the nearby beach. But again i'll give a rest with my words, and just let the pictures do the talking :)

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Friday, March 19, 2004 9:30PM GMT

Where am i and what am i doing? i'm laying on my (pause while i count on my fingers...1,2,...umm...) 9th temporary bed during my stay here in Philippines. Bed #9 is located at An-An's house in Talisay, Cebu. the electric rotating fan is comfortably keeping me cool as i update my website on my trusty laptop, while the John Mayer Any Given Thursday DVD plays in the background, enjoyably (yet also painfully) reminding me and giving me the feeling of...home. but although i'm writing at this very moment, it probably won't be posted til much later. what would have to be done first is for me to save it on a floppy disk, put it in my purse and wait til i get a free opportunity to go to an internet cafe - an internet cafe that claims high-speed but is really only moderately fast-speed. and that's if i'm lucky. well eti's here. at least that's what she tells me. i say that bc i haven't seen her yet. and won't see her til after holy week. her texts give me the impression that she is indeed here, but i'm still suspicious. haha jk. she's in another province, cagayan, with gino. all of us were partnered up and separated into provinces. i was assigned here in cebu with my partner, molex from the solomon islands. he's silly and cool. GK work with the poor is by far my favorite part of training, but it's definitely not the only thing i've been doing. just to give you an idea, here's a list (just for this month):

1. Start YFC in a Highschool: present YFC to HS Admin
2. Start YFC in a College or University: my assignment - Velez College
3. Head a creative workshop and implement the creative program in a YFC sector
4. Immerse in GK
5. Attend and be part of a weekly SFC household every Tuesday
6. Help lead a YFC Torch Assembly
7. Give a sharing for Talk 5 of the CFC Regional Leader's Conference.
8. Immerse in all sectors of community based
9. Attend Provincial Core Regular Coordination Mtg every Monday
10. Write my thesis

plus orientations, orientations, orientations and other things. Thanks Cebu! you're wonderful. (that wasn't sarcastic haha). the FTW's and YFC heads here are very cool. and i know i will miss them when i leave. that's why i'm just gonna live it up my remaining time here. don't worry cebu pictures will be coming soon. and a whole section will be on just jerdie because he picks on me the most.

i will be spending holy week with my relatives. can't wait for easter sunday! gonna be a celebration mon! then the week after is the yfc International Leader's Conference where i hear Gary V. will be the opening performer and saturday night MTV ASIA will be hosting a YFC Rave. i am extremely curious to see that! YFC here is on a crazy higher scale than the US. but don't worry, we'll get there. so will s. america. then apr 19th i leave for sweet home chicago. sigh..but sadly i will only be home for 3 days before i have to leave again for mission. this is the path you have given me Lord! and i embrace it! :) ok this is getting long so i will leave you with my living-out-of-my-suitcase mission schedule. and thank you all for your notes, they mean more to me than you know. please keep them coming :), it makes my day!

April: OHIO, USA

April: EL SALVADOR

May: ECUADOR

May: PERU

May: MEXICO

May: LA, CA, USA

June: SAN DIEGO, CA, USA

June: SEATTLE, WA, USA

June: CHICAGO, IL USA - back for preps for the wedding :)

July: Luke and Donna's Wedding!

July: PALM SPRINGS, CA, USA - 10th YFC USA Conference

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Friday, March 12, 2004 10:30PM GMT

Hello from the Philippines! i miss home. but God is amazing! no real time to make a site layout or design yet...and all my journal entries are still stored away in the deepest parts of my laptop. but pictures are worth a thousand words, so i'll just leave you with that. these are pix of just the first half of the training, mostly of metro manila. i'm in cebu right now for the provincial training. pix of the 2nd half will be in another installment. these past 2 months have been very personal for me. it's hard to even comprehend how much the human heart can take. so many changes mine has gone through. it astounds me. what a life when it's lived for God! man. anyway i suggest playing the song "Love of God" by Mercy Me in the background as you look through these pictures. i hope they portray some of the things that have touched my heart and pierced my eyes these past 2 months. look out for ash wednesday spent at the baseco build and smokey mountain. so when you're ready, just click on the hula dancer's belly button to begin the adventure! enjoy!  

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